Tuesday, April 11, 2006

*hand signs*

After a hiatus, I finally returned to the $20+2 180 SnGs on Stars last night. As you can see by my record detailed on the right side-bar, I do OK in these... but for one reason or another I hadn't played any recently. Monday evening I came home armed with some "English cheddar with caramelised onions", some crackers and a case of red wine. Verily I was ready to do battle with the hordes of online foes.

Every time I join a PokerStars table I like to have a quick squizz at the different avatars. As most of us know, the breakdown of avatars on PokerStars is roughly something like this:

35%: Fucking baby pictures
20%: Picture of pet
15%: Some kind of school or sports team picture
15%: Some random crap
10%: Something designed to try and psyche you out (including eye close-ups)
5%: Alleged picture of self

I enjoy going through them Mike Matusow style, for example: "Anime donkey, Notre Dame donkey, Poodle-owning donkey, Ugly Motherfucker donkey, Head Case donkey, Alcoholic donkey (that would be me)".

On last night's table there was someone with the N.C. State symbol as their avatar. Fair enough. Recently I had met a random person in a bar, and then ran into them again the very next day (which was St. Patrick's Day) in an insanely-crowded bar in a different part of DC. This person had attended N.C. State, and we had amused ourselves by doing the Wolfpack cheer, which goes as follows:

Take each hand, and press your thumb to your fingers, as if about to manipulate a sock puppet. Extend your for forefinger and little finger back to their original positions, so only your middle and ring fingers are touching your thumb. It should now look like this:

Now go "Wolfpack!" while moving the "mouth" of your hand sign. Congratulations, you look like a douche.

After noticing the N.C. State symbol I naturally had to salute them. But how? It's not like he can see me looking like a gimp (well, not by me doing the cheer). Drawing upon the red wine I had consumed, I compromised:

garthmeister: Go Wolfpack! *hand signs*

CTsomething thought that was amusing, and so I proceeded to do it after every hand they won. I also informed the table at large that they were going to get sick of it before I did. CTsomething co-operated by winning a bunch of hands early. I celebrated by playing like a donkey and throwing away a third of my stack.

Things were all fine and dandy, until Chips_on_fire and Dnice, two other table inhabitants, got into a verbal jousting match about a large hand they played. I couldn't really call it trash talking, as I have heard 5 year olds smack talk to more effect. I couldn't help but chime in, not taking sides, just generally skewering people. Dnice informed me: "you don't want to make me mad, garth". I took that as an invitation to slam him ad nauseum. I really wish I had some chat transcripts, but I made liberal use of the Duke lacrosse team after Dnice kept talking about raping people at the table.

It was about this point that I found a hand, took someone to the house, and then got a newly arrived big stack to think I was blind-stealing and come over the top of me while they held 2-2... my A-A proved the victor, and all of a sudden I had a stack. It was about this time that the penny dropped for Dnice, and he realised I wasn't just a drunk trash-talker who was there to dump $20. I was a drunk trash-talker who might just be better than he was. Needless to say he didn't have a go at me for there on out... he actually decided he wanted to be my best friend.

Finally CTsomething and Chips_on_fire busted, and it was Dnice and myself. Immediately the table became way more boring. I misplayed a hand and dumped some chips, and to add insult to injury, was immediately moved.

Up and down, up and down I went, until with just under 30 left, lo and behold Dnice arrived back into my life. I took that as a sign to receive A-K s00ted in the small blind, when 5 people limped into the pot. As Dnice celebrated his return in the chat I pushed my less than 5M stack into the middle, and was called down by A-J.

To avoid myself paying all of you a dollar, let me just say that after that hand I could no longer talk to Dnice as a fellow tournament participant. I will play another one of these, however, I can promise you that.


  • 35%: Fucking baby pictures
    20%: Picture of pet

    Those people are SO BAD AT POKER. And of course they think that's fine, because if you ask them, they'll say "they play for fun."

    Like winning money isn't fun. Suckers! Lol.

    By Blogger DP, at 7:27 AM  

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