Wednesday, May 02, 2007


Whups - things have been getting a little busy in these here parts, but I've been remiss in not posting about them. Last week in particular was jammed, with various internet celebrities converging on DC to partake in great food and conversation. Good, good times. I also managed to play footy, watch most of the Cricket World Cup final (won by Australia, woo!), spend more time with internet celebrities, and then spend all day Sunday at a golf tournament for my footy club.

Now, you may have noticed me talk about many sports, none of which are golf. There is a reason for this; the last time I set foot on a golf course was in 1998. Mind you, it was an enjoyable day. At the time I was working as a dish pig in a really nice restaurant (Matilda Bay Restaurant) to get me through University. The restaurant was only closed for three days of the year: Good Friday (which is a public holiday in Australia), Boxing Day (the day after Christmas, also a public holiday), and a day in Winter to allow for renovation and repair.

As anyone who has worked in hospitality can appreciate, everyone having the same day off means that everyone gets together to get drunk. Good Friday was usually an impromptu get together at someone's house, Boxing Day was usually a more organised get together somewhere (since we had all worked our guts out the previous day), but Renovation Day (the day off in Winter) was a bit different.

For Renovation Day the restaurant went out of its way to have a cool function. One year we had a medieval fancy dress ball at the Old Fremantle Prison (one of the most famous prisoners? Why, Moondyne Joe, of course... and Bon Scott, he of AC/DC fame) which was notable both for consumption of alcohol and for my losing the crucifix which formed part of my monk costume. Unfortunately I was not able to deflower any fine maidens.

One year we had a choice, either play nine holes of golf (fortified with alcohol), or attend a winery tour. The two groups would then meet up for lunch at the winery restaurant. Where was the winery? Margaret River, which was 4 hours or drive from Perth, the location of our place of employment. Obviously this is a fair drive for golf and wine. The solution? Work would fly us down in Cessna airplanes. I shit you not. Let's just say that flying home in a Cessna after playing nine holes of drunken golf, plus a drunken lunch at a winery restaurant, is pretty damn fine.

I think my best shot of the 9 holes of golf I played was a 5 iron I hit perfectly... except I needed to hit the ball half as far to hit the green Still, a very pretty shot. I also enjoyed my lusty drive on the 9th hole, which sliced so far it landed on the fairway of the wrong hole. Went pretty far though.

Given my golf history, you can be forgiven for assuming that I would suck this past Sunday. I rocked up to the course in flip-flops and an Australian beer t-shirt, neatly standing out as "That Guy Who Doesn't Play Golf". To complicate matters I also play golf left-handed (though I write and throw right-handed, but I kick left-footed... OK, I'm a mess). Fortunately we had verified that there were lefty clubs available for my use, so I was saved having to play right-handed - though maybe that wouldn't have been such a bad idea.

We were also playing scramble format, which is a lot of fun. We were playing 18 holes though, which seemed to me to be a lot of golf. I placed the Over/Under of "number of times we'll actually use my shot as the best one in the foursome) at 2.5, figuring that at the least I should be able to jag a crazy putt or two.

Fortified by endless cans of Yuengling, and free access to golf carts, I had a great time as I contributed almost nothing to my foursome's success, or lack thereof. I managed to smash the Over/Under, contributing 5 shots of sublime brilliance (or, more appropriately "less sucky shots than the other guys hit"). My personal highlight was totally mis-hitting a putt... which somehow managed to hit the line of the green perfectly, resulting in a crazy looping path for the ball that ended up a foot from the hole.

All in all it was a good day, and I look forward to my golf improving when I next play. Which should be some time in 2016.


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